Relationship with Food: My Story
It started from a very young age—specifically when I was 12. I remember the first time I discovered food as an emotional coping mechanism. (I can’t pinpoint the exact event that triggered my need to feel better, but I do remember reaching for a loaf of bread and a container of Nutella).
I had eaten icing straight from the jar before, but that was usually during girls’ nights. Picture this: you’re 11 years old, it’s a Friday night, there’s no school tomorrow, and you can stay up as late as you want. You didn’t have a proper dinner because you were so excited to hang out with your friends. When you finally get together, you hit up the closest grocery store.
Cookie dough
Popcorn
Chips
2L soda
Sour candies
And a jar of Nutella later….
That’s dinner.
Most people have been there in some way, especially if you’re reading this. As kids, food often wasn’t a conscious thought—we ate what was available, and it was usually about fun and connection. I want to highlight that this behaviour isn’t inherently bad. Food is a connector from the day we are born. A baby breastfeeding connects with their mother. Family dinners are how we come together at the end of the day to catch up. "Breaking bread" has been a tradition for centuries.
The issue for me was when food became less about connection and more about numbing emotions. Back to 12-year-old me: I didn’t know how to let myself feel. (Shoutout to my therapist who helped me learn—a mere 15 years later.) Learning that food could take away these uncomfortable feelings felt like magic. What I didn’t realize was that this habit would follow me into adulthood, except now with added shame and guilt. After numbing with food, I wasn’t just met with a stomachache but also with harsh self-criticism and poor body image.
It became second nature to overeat, berate myself, wake up feeling terrible, and then numb those feelings again with food. If this resonates with you, let’s chat about working together.
The Restrict-Exercise Cycle
When I realized much of my internal dialogue following a binge-session revolved around how my body looked, I added another layer to the cycle: over-exercising and restricting. I thought I could “undo” my binges by working out fasted and restricting food for as long as possible. This became my equation for over a decade: binge, restrict, repeat.
It’s a lot to carry, and I share this vulnerability now because I’ve worked through it and can now help others do the same.
Growth Is Not Linear
In 2022, I read How to Quit Emotional Eating by Allen Carr, recommended by my therapist at the time. The book helped me understand emotional eating but also pushed me further into restriction. Carr’s approach labeled any non-whole food as “junk” to be avoided. I took this literally, avoiding “junk” food for two years. My meals were clean and nutritious, but I became so rigid I couldn’t enjoy simple pleasures like birthday cake, ice cream dates, or popcorn at the movies. Social events became a challenge, creating isolation.
A theme you might notice - I got really good at jumping from one extreme to another…
Fast forward to 2024: those two years were filled with inner conflict. I knew I was being restrictive, but the validation of a lean body and a strong social media presence kept me going. When I opened myself to deeper relationships, my friends started asking questions—about my health, my energy, even my menstrual cycle. Suddenly, there was a reason big enough to stop restricting: I cared about these people, and I didn’t want to hurt myself knowing it hurt them too.
Acknowledging the Problem
The first step for me to make a change was admitting my relationship with food was unhealthy. I told my parents and friends. Saying it out loud was one of the hardest but most necessary things I’ve ever done. I bawled my eyes out when I did it, but that discomfort was crucial for me to make real change…
Therapy, a dietitian, a holistic healer, and a nutrition coach later… these professionals all helped me on healing my relationship with food. This journey taught me that the people who truly care about you want to see you happy, healthy, and safe and can only help when you open up about your struggles.
Now, as a coach, I use what I learned to help my clients heal in similar ways.
What Actually Worked
Education on Nutrition & Exercise: Knowledge builds confidence. My coach taught me the importance of balanced eating and protein intake.
Tracking My Food: Logging meals increased my mindfulness and awareness of balanced nutrition.
Trust & Accountability: I surrendered to a coach I trusted, set aside my ego, and followed their guidance.
Steps You Can Take Today
Try MyFitnessPal: Use it to track your food for at least seven days to understand your eating patterns. If you’d like a food audit of your tracked meals after the week - I offer free consultations.
University of YouTube: Searching for videos on “relationship with food” will give you more opportunities to learn about the binge-restrict cycle. I have one here from my coaching program - enjoy the meditation at the start :)
Get My Workbook: That Wellness Woman Workbook covers 80/20 eating, macro-friendly recipes, and a foundational workout program.
No two food journeys look the same. I share my story to show you’re not alone and to offer space where you might resonate. If you’re struggling with your relationship with food, I’m here for you.
